I should be European. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.

I have to satisfy my audience.

My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.

I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

You can wait for things to happen for you or you can make things happen for you.

You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.