Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.

All morons hate it when you call them a moron.

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.

I just hope that one day - preferably when we’re both blind drunk - we can talk about it.

But I'm Crazy. I swear to God I am.

Make sure you marry someone who laughs at the same things you do.

If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody.