I only got into comedy to get laid

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.