I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.

I only got into comedy to get laid

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.