I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.

I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I only got into comedy to get laid