Much as we do not permit convicted pedophiles to teach kindergarten or convicted hijackers to board airplanes, common sense dictates that individuals who have been imprisoned for plotting violence against abortion clinics should never again be permitted anywhere near such facilities.

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

This is how most stories end in the hospital. Not with crash carts and sirens and electric shocks to the chest, but with an empty room, a crisp white bed, silence.

Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke.

Such is the demographic paradox of a junior physician's relationship with his patients: I worry about how to extend their lives. This anxiety inevitably shortens my own.

Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.