Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis.

Shaw's plays are the price we pay for Shaw's prefaces.

I don't know very much but what I do know I know better than anybody, and I don't want to argue about it…My mind is not a bed to be made and re-made.

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

The Englishman can get along with sex quite perfectly so long as he can pretend that it isn't sex but something else.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.