Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis.

The worst of failure of this kind is that it spoils the market for more competent performers.

To force myself to earn more money, I determined to spend more.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

Your Englishman, confronted by something abnormal will always pretend that it isn't there. If, however, you force him to look into it, he'll at once pretend that he sees the object not for what it is but for something that he would like it to be.

Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.