The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

I don't know very much but what I do know I know better than anybody, and I don't want to argue about it…My mind is not a bed to be made and re-made.

Long experience has taught me that in England nobody goes to the theatre unless he or she has bronchitis.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

To force myself to earn more money, I determined to spend more.