The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it.

Shaw's plays are the price we pay for Shaw's prefaces.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

Don't pity me now, don't pity me never; I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.