You know, back in 2000 a Republican friend of mine warned me that if I voted for Al Gore and he won, the stock market would tank, we'd lose millions of jobs, and our military would be totally overstretched. You know what: I did vote for Al Gore, he did win, and I'll be damned if all those things didn't come true.

We should not run away from religious teachings. We should run to them.

Truth is relative. Truth is what you can make the voter believe is the truth. If you're smart enough, truth is what you make the voter think it is. That's why I'm a Democrat. I can make the Democratic voters think whatever I want them to.

If you say three things, you don't say anything.

If you want to be angry at Gore, be angry at him for not fighting harder in Florida.

Drag a $100 bill through a trailer camp and there's no telling what you will find.

I didn’t just experiment with marijuana – if you know what I mean.