Republicans want smaller government for the same reason crooks want fewer cops; it's easier to get away with murder.

Winning an argument with your wife is like winning the war with Iraq. Once you win, you're in even more trouble.

Sometimes a mind is like a mouth: you just got to shut it.

The teachings of the Church line up more with the Democratic Party than the Republican Party.

I used to think that if there was reincarnation, I wanted to come back as the President or the Pope or as a 400 basball hitter. But now I would like to come back as the bond market. You can intimidate everybody.

All the wrong people are against it, so it must be right.

Why are you sitting here when our democracy is under assault with the FBI acting at the behest of [Republican Congressman] Jason Chaffetz and sitting here acting like it is something legit?