Excellent. They were flammable.

People always come up to me and say, 'you should do standup.' It's nice to discover things about yourself. That keeps everything lively and fun.

Can I come in? No! I'm in a towel! I'm blind!

Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I'm so stupid. Forget I just said that. "He needs a Band-Aid," I said. A look passed between me and Fang, full of suppressed humor, relief, understanding,love — Forget I said that too. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Angel raised her hand. "Excuse me. What does LTC stand for?" She blinked innocently. "Loving Tender Care?"Gazzy suggested.If our instructor had had lasers for eyes, he would have sliced Gazzy in half. "Lieutenant colonel," he sputtered.

I'm pretty sure that if you looked up the word "nuts" in the dictionary, you'll find my picture. Just another fun feature of my mutant-birdkid-freak package.

Do we have any chlorine? It seems to be kind of explosive when mixed with other stuff." "Like what, your socks? No, we don't have chlorine. No swimming pool.