Some kids get called "bundles of joy" or "slices of heaven" or "dreams come true." We got "the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments." Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive.

A vet! I started laughing weakly and had to sit on the edge of the tub. A vet. Wait till they found out how appropriate that was.

the next morning, fang and i broke up. now let me get this strait, i broke up with him. a split second after he broke up with me.

NOOOO!" On the screen, a woman's eyes bugged almost out of her head, and I tried not to scream. Tried not to scream in exasperation, I mean. The serial killer was right in front of her, wide open! Clearly, instead of weeping like a moron, she could be lunging forward and administering a swift uppercut to the chin. Then this entire pointless ordeal would be over with, and I could go home.

Congratulations. The fact that you're reading this means you've taken one giant step closer to surviving until your next birthday.

We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him. "So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back.

It's always refreshing to meet someone crazier than us," I said. "We seem so normal afterward.