Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised

There is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception.

I could have killed Gregory Fitzhurst at three hundred feet with my left hand.

Every man is occasionally visited by the suspicion that the planet on which he is riding is not really going anywhere; that the Force which controls its measured eccentricities hasn't got anything special in mind. If he broods on this somber theme long enough he gets the doleful idea that the laughing children on a merry-go-round or the thin, fine hands of a lady's watch are revolving more purposely than he is.

I hate women because they have brought into the currency of our language such expressions as "all righty" and "yes indeedy" and hundreds of others.