Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.

For one thing, she pronounced flowers 'flars' and I couldn't let it slide.

If I have sometimes seemed to make fun of Woman, I assure you it has only been for the purpose of egging her on.

Columbus is a town in which almost anything is likely to happen, and in which almost everything has.

Time is for dragonflies and angels. The former live too little and the latter live too long.

The unicorn is a mythical beast.

Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision.