Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

The difference between our decadence and the Russians is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic.

It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.

If a playwright tried to see eye to eye with everybody, he would get the worst case of strabismus since Hannibal lost an eye trying to count his nineteen elephants during a snowstorm while crossing the Alps.

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.

Remember laughter. You'll need it even in the blessed isles of Ever After.

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.