Celebrity - I don't even know what that means. Obviously it's the same basic word as celebration, but I don't know what's being celebrated.

Golfers are genuinely courteous in a discourteous world. Show me a guest on The Jerry Springer Show who's a golfer.

I'm a pretty quiet guy, but if people want to think of me as a lady killer, I guess that's good.

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez.

...simple logic tells you that if somebody wants you dead you have one course of action: To get them deader sooner.

...if [the 9/11/01 attacks] had happened to the Russians, about three major cities in the Middle East would have been parking lots in twenty minute and they wouldn't have worried about the consequences because there would not have been any because the remaining terrorist states would have said 'we get the message.'

Whatever it took to get elected president of the United States, I don't think being a complete and utter moron is one of those predicates.