I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.

I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those comics where it's guaranteed that I hit it out of the park every time. You know, I am not completely reliable. It's always different, and it's a complete crapshoot whether I'm going to do well.

I definitely get the sense that I'm an elder statesman, but I don't know if there's an impact - and I'm not saying that in a naïve way. I don't know. I think anybody who's been doing it for 25 years is going to be considered an elder statesman. But I don't know if I've impacted anyone.

The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl.

Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.

I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why exactly.