I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

There's no reason to be doing comedy during the day in a hot tent. I don't know why anyone thinks it's a good idea, but festival after festival keeps doing it. I did see some of the other comedians struggling.

Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.

You know, I have no web presence, and I don't know that there's many people who really do know me that much anymore.

I'm a sucker for any guy with an accent with any kind.