Boy, does that give you street cred for years after, if you tell people you were on 'The Larry Sanders Show!'

Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn't get along in any setting.

I don't even know why somebody's Twittering as me. I don't understand it, and I wish that it would stop. But there's nothing that can be done. It's so terrible.

I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.

Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.

I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again.

Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things!