Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things!

If you aren't overly effusive or really nicey-nice with the press, you get a reputation for being outspoken or difficult.

We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those comics where it's guaranteed that I hit it out of the park every time. You know, I am not completely reliable. It's always different, and it's a complete crapshoot whether I'm going to do well.

I should also say, in general, I just drank a lot. I shouldn't characterize it as "to get the courage to perform." It was just an in-general nighttime activity. It definitely made it easier when I started doing stand-up. It was just much simpler to do a couple of shots. It made my nerves go away, for the most part. It just was something I sort of relied on for about the first four years.

There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say that the Bush Administration has been good for America.

Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.