I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.

Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing.

I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook.

You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

... being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.

The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.