When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.

Like I said, I'm just grateful when anyone offers me a job. It's like, "Okay. I'll do it." FBI agent is one, too, when you get older. When you're kind of an older lady hard-ass, FBI tends to happen. It's just because I'd like to work rather than not work, so I'm just happy if somebody wants me to do anything.

It's not like I would see anyone and be like, "Oh yes, that person looks like maybe I had an impact on them." I don't think I did. I don't think I ever was that well known, to have an impact. And I haven't seen comics that I go, "Oh, yes! That person is terribly unprepared, with their notebook, and going off on 50 tangents. There you are. That's me."

I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why exactly.

A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.