It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence." Joe Morelli

Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.” “Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?” “He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically.

Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out?" Lula

Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.

Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.

Adaptation is one of the great advantages to being born and bred in Jersey. We're simply not bested by bad air or tainted water. We're like that catfish with lungs. Take us out of our environment and we can grow whatever body parts we need to survive. After Jersey the rest of the country's a piece of cake. You want to send someone into a fallout zone? Get him from Jersey. He'll be fine.