Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.

Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now." Valerie - To the Nines

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.

I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?

I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically.