Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.

A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

You're a magnet for mess. I've never seen anything like it. Lula to Stephanie

'It's been almost a month since you found a body. I knew you were due.'

I'm sorry about your Porsche." "I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful." I was just sitting in your car!" Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.

Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early." -Ranger