A mustache really defines your face. My dad had a mustache when I was growing up, and I can still remember when he shaved it, he looked like a completely different person.

A lot of it comes from tiny things, like not eating barbecue sauce with my pizza at two in the morning. I think it's all a manifestation of being happy and wanting to treat myself well. The truth is, I'm not getting up an hour earlier and walking on a treadmill. I have the greatest workout partner in the world. And you don't need a gym membership for that kind of workout.

Oh definitely. It'll be in a hot tub, with my entire head squeezed into a jet. The photos are going to be hilarious. Man, I really hope the internet sticks around so people can reference this article in my obituaries and see that what sounds like a joke was actually amazingly prescient.

I was a straight man long before I knew what it was called. I was just the boring one.

You start at 'SNL' when you're young and hungry, but I don't want my pro years to be my 'SNL' years.

I am now The Establishment. There's nothing I can do about it.

It's fun to play the type of people you dislike.