How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes.

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'

In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.' Then he hugged his wife, Teresa, heir to the multi-million dollar Heinz food fortune.

Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.

The healthcare reform bill now includes a tanning booth tax of 10 percent. You know what this means? This whole thing could be funded by the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'

President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?

Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into a drawing to win a dinner with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. If you donate more than $10, you get to sit at a different table.