As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment.

Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.

Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.

According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren't there are needed to spend money we don't have to create jobs that don't exist.

At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what's the first thing they do when they arrest you? They pat you down.

The big winner last night in New Hampshire - Senator John Kerry. He won 39 percent of the vote, which is pretty good, and begs the question, why the long face?

President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn't you think that was already illegal?