The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand. How good can he be? his top client is living in a cave and driving a donkey. It doesn't sound like he is getting the best return on his investments to me.

Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.

Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye's fried chicken. So, great, instead of oil for food, we're giving them oil in food.

We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.

A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I think he's going a little overboard. Today, he arrested the entire band Foreigner.