John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke.

They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, what a coincidence, that's how I got picked.'

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.

Howard Dean dropped out of the race today. At least he can't claim his voice wasn't heard.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton is now facing a kind of personal dilemma. She can't decide whether to drop the name Clinton from her name, or drop the name Rodham. They can't figure out which one is more embarrassing.

If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"

Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.