President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn't you think that was already illegal?

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.

Facebook has revealed their estimated net worth - $96 billion. That's almost as much money as businesses lose every year from their employees wasting time looking at Facebook.

I don't know why it's so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25.

Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.