Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it.

President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.

Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick?

There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he is definitely going to run for governor. Arnold is smart. He's in Mexico campaigning with the very people who'll be living here by election time.

Every year Steve Kaufman supports the charity “Love Ride” by donating a painting to this cause.

AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.