President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation.

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.

General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don't win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don't even win elections.

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.

When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.