The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House.

Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11.

Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John Kerry's daughter told a story about how he once gave CPR to her hamster. At the Republican convention the Bush girls are going to tell a story about how when their hamster was bad, their dad built them a little electric chair.

Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can't vote again. It's a flawless system. It works perfectly unless, of course, someone has paint remover.

Oscar nominations came out today. Up for best actor, Sean Penn for 'Mystic River,' Jude Law for 'Cold Mountain,' and of course, George W. Bush for 'Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction.'