Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuana research center.

Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't take long for the TV networks to jump on this Walker thing. CBS has a new show: 'Walker: Taliban Ranger.'

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.

Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.

Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'

If you're a gunfighter, you like to die in the street.

Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans.