Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright, and . . . clean. I think we've seen the shortest presidential campaign in history.

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot.

I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.' That seems a little personal to me.

Yesterday Gary Condit spent the whole day attending an agricultural meeting. Boy, that's when you know a congressman's in real trouble: when he spends the whole day actually working.

Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just like the earth.

Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs?