A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to a teenage girl in a shopping mall in Florida. Do you realize? If Osama bin Laden was a 14-year old girl, we would have had him by now. ... Who is going to start protecting us from the Department of Homeland Security? ... It kind of makes you long for the good old wholesome days of the Clinton administration.
Jay LenoWhile President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.
Jay LenoThis is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.
Jay Leno