I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?

According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.

According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought.

Services were held today for Ken Lay - convicted thief and crook Ken Lay.They folded his arms across his chest and sowed his sleeves together so he couldn't put his hands in anyone's pockets when they walked by. You know when they say in a eulogy, "You're all richer for having known him." I don't think they're going to hear that.

Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought the next time you're getting ready to get on the roller coaster!

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

California Governor Gray Davis visited an elementary school here in Los Angeles where he taught a class. I don't want to say he was unpopular but the kids gave him a wedgie and stuffed him in a locker.