I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?

You know what is interesting, Condit is very conservative. He voted to post the ten commandments in schools. Yet, he himself broke the 11th commandment, 'Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff.'

According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren't there are needed to spend money we don't have to create jobs that don't exist.

Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.

Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two of the women in the other cars are now pregnant.

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.