Oh, here's your tax dollars at work. This is what makes people furious. The head of the GSA, a woman named Martha Johnson, has resigned after they found out she spent over $830,000 on a four-day government conference in Las Vegas. And the president is furious. Not President Obama, the president of China. It's his money. It's his money she spent.

Obama called on Americans to have more grandchildren. Probably so there's more of them to pay off our debt.

A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to a teenage girl in a shopping mall in Florida. Do you realize? If Osama bin Laden was a 14-year old girl, we would have had him by now. ... Who is going to start protecting us from the Department of Homeland Security? ... It kind of makes you long for the good old wholesome days of the Clinton administration.

The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.

Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger.

We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.

I don’t like goodbyes, NBC does.