You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity.

The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody stole all their couches.

Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison.

Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform.

McDonald's announced that it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn't it?

First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring... soon after... comes Suffer...ring!

Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can't vote again. It's a flawless system. It works perfectly unless, of course, someone has paint remover.