Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy no one would feel secure going home with.

President Bush stopped off at a bass pro fishing store to pick up a fishing reel, some line and some rubber worms. He's going to disappear and go fishing. So he must think he's back in the National Guard.

Experts are saying that President Bush's goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don't we just make him the next Democratic presidential nominee?

They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't we just put all the contestants on 'Jeopardy!' and pick Miss America that way? At least you get the smartest one.

CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.

President Obama will be going to Disney World where he'll unveil his new plan to create jobs. And what better place for the president to talk about his jobs plan than Fantasyland?

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.