Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

Texas governor Rick Perry said God is calling on him to run for President. But Michele Bachmann said that God is calling on her to run for President. You know, if God is that indecisive, he's probably for Mitt Romney!

You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court justices instead of the other way around.

John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both a lawyer and a politician.

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left.

Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for president. And he's got a new slogan: 'Put the oval in the Oval Office.'