The nation's largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to 'screw you.'

Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees.

They were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to Kansas since the eradication of the boll weevil.

So, the Phoenix Suns are wearing jerseys written in Spanish, made in China, modeled after their best player, Canadian Steve Nash. There you go. That is America.

It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don't. I mean, I don't want to put on sunglasses. That's why I'm in show business.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'

How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up?