Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry because of security reasons. Because they're easy to hack into. In fact, when Obama heard he might have to give it up, he said, 'OMG! WTF?' I mean, he couldn't believe it.

They had so much rain in New York that a lot of the cabbies had their first shower in years.

The first lady said about her husband, 'I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures.' And today she was offered her own show on Fox News.

If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear Prada?"

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about.

Johnny Walker, the American that fought for the Taliban, is now talking with an Arabic accent. Have you heard him? It's ridiculous. I know how we should handle him. Let's bring him back here and take him to Cleveland Browns stadium and dress him up as a referee. They'll know how to take care of him!