President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using the Gulf disaster to fix the Gulf disaster?

65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees.

I looked up the word POLITICS in the dictionary, and it's actually a combination of two words: poli, which means 'many,' and tics, which means 'bloodsuckers.'

Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.

The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.