President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using the Gulf disaster to fix the Gulf disaster?

The difference between Men and Women is that Men love The 3 Stooges, and Women think they're assholes.

President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: Running Deficits.

I'm sure you know by now, Jesse Jackson was overheard saying, and I'll put this more delicately, that he wanted to cut Barack Obama's testicles off. And Jesse has been on several news programs the last couple of days, explaining what he meant by those comments. Do you need to explain that?

Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.

A team of British lawyers has now concluded that the Declaration of Independence was illegal, and the American colonies had no right to secede from England. Well, you thought our court system was backed up.

Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said, 'No, I'm keeping him on the ticket.'