When you're on the road, it gets a bit crazy. I've been on the road for about two weeks, and squeezed about 11 shows into 14 days. It's funny, traveling cross country isn't what kills ya - it's driving the two hours to the one-nighters and back. That's what gets exhausting, it gets to the point where seeing your kids is the relief.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

I'm telling you, I could teach at a university, [George] Carlin, a whole semester. The construction and deconstruction of the words, the language, the order.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

It's very good to know when you're being lapped on the racetrack, 'cause you've got to put your foot down on the pedal and get going.

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.