When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front of the bathroom mirror, practising. I did my first show in the third grade and just kept going; there was no reason to quit.

I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job to make the majority of people laugh, and I believe that comedy is the last true form of free speech.

I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist.

I always try and do everything I can to the best of my abilities, single aspect has to be perfect.

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto the tour bus with me once or twice a year so they can watch the performances and hear the crowds. Traveling with eighty-something-year-olds on a tour bus... there has to be some sort of reality show in that.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.