A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I had a happy, dramafree youth, growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood in Dallas, Texas. The only thing that was slightly unusual compared to most of my friends was that I was an only child... I don't think that's why my parents gave me a dummy, at least they've never copped to it.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.

I was not one of the popular kids, I was not great at sports, girls didn't pay attention to me.I was just pretty much an average kid, no stand-out abilities, nothing note-worthy.