I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist.

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.

There's nothing better for a comedian than adversity.

[In my bio] is no drunk driving, there's no DUI's, there's no possession of cocaine, none of that stuff so you know, I don't know if that's good or bad. Everybody loves dirty laundry.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it or embrace it.

I've tried the female thing. I was in a movie called Dinner for Schmucks a couple of years ago with Steve Carell and I created a female character for that movie. And after a few months of trying her out on the road it just didn't work. I mean, I can think like a terrorist, I can think like a white trash guy, I can even try and think like an African American, but I can't figure out how a woman.