Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.

[In my bio] is no drunk driving, there's no DUI's, there's no possession of cocaine, none of that stuff so you know, I don't know if that's good or bad. Everybody loves dirty laundry.

Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday, I was there for every major event.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

I hate the beach - I'm a mountain guy. I'd much rather face a bear than a shark.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.