The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

Sometimes during my set I invite volunteers up on stage to get speed-roasted and I'm worried that I may have hundreds of people rushing the stage all at once. Luckily I'm a black belt in karate and I can fend them off.

Comics just don't retire. They either die young or they go to 100.

My parents passed away when I was a teenager, so I had to learn different survival techniques, I think, in comedy. You know, using comedy as a pressure release, as a release valve in life really kept my sanity.