I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a decapitation.

The more necessary it becomes to stop drinking, the more impossible it becomes to stop.

There's nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne.

What a pity people don't take as much trouble with their own breeding as intelligent racehorse owners do. But then I suppose it is bordering on fascism to think like that.

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades, and good standing among your friends'.

The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I suppose.

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.